# Trust 30…Day 27…Personal Recipe of No Negativity

I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. I wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about the type of person you’d NEVER want to be 5 years from now. Write out your own personal recipe to prevent this from happening and commit to following it. “Thought is the seed of action.”

(Author: Harley Schreiber)

This is very good. By eliminating all that you do not want  in your life, or you do not wish to be, or you do not want to have as part of your life, you can identify those parts of your life that you really like, and retain them. And add also the parts that add to what you want to be, what you want to have, what and who moves you towards the person you want to be, the kind of life you want to live.

There was a time when I never wanted, I was just content. It could be that I had never become vocal about what I wanted, must have buried it deep within me. Even now, only some parts have surfaced, I have a long way to go in defining What I Want. There was always someone else I entrusted with defining what I wanted, our culture is like that, it tells women to leave decision making to the Indian gods, that is the men. If I sound bitter, it is because it is true. Girls are brought up to believe they have no minds of therir own. And wants? Wants are not for girls nor women, wants are  for men. Since this is a touchy topic, I will stop here, for here I am not talking of myself, in various ways and in different degrees, girls are led to think so. Life is changing for girl children now, but only in some families, and women still have to struggle with ages and ages of upringing and break some invisible and many obvious shackles to say, “This is what I want.”

I want name, recogniton, respect, money, the works, not like a hero or film star, but in the sphere I am working in, and the love of those who know me for the individual I am and appreciate me for who I am. I want the company of friends who help me achieve my goals, who are supportive and caring. But then, don’t we all want this? But now I can say this out loud and clear and remove the negative people and surroundings from my life without batting an eye. I just move in places I am comfortable in, speak with those whom I know have my best interests at heart, will not listen to another’s no if I want to say a yes to what I want in my life. Of course, this has been a learning process, I did not learn this when young. I was polite and suffered negativity because of my politeness, I was also young, and put up with it out of respect. I often kept quiet, and that was my own fault (my nature being not aggressive)and that of my upbringing, (women should not be aggressive , that was so manly a form of being).”Seen , not heard, and when heard, only with sweetness in voice and look,” that was the ground rule. Now I can show a finger to this. Now.

I had to finally learn to say,“I don’t want this, and I want this!” It has been a freeing time, and I embrace all the positivity I receive in my life. And there is much of it, I have created the space for it.

I want

To be a published novelist

To teach

To speak and counsel

To be healthy,vital and strong and unfettered.

To be independent

The company of my loved ones who understand my need for space

What I will say no to is: NEGATIVITY!

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#Trust 30 …Day 26… Call to Arms..guess what? I am a lone ship

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.

You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!

(bonus: send it to the CEO with the title “The things we absolutely have to get right – nothing else matters.”)

This was a really tough thing to do, thinking of myself as the Head Honcho and laying down a blueprint of a company or a call to arms to others under my commnad. I do not want to steer a boat loaded with people who want to be steered by me. I want to be on my own, doing my own thing, irresponsibly. I have been Head Honcho of my family for as long as I remember and it was finally good in the last few years to say, now I do things for myself. This did not mean I would take on the reins of a company, even my own. Running a home is like being in charge of a company, a industry,  and I just don’t want it anymore. I want to lead a free and unfettered life, not be responsible for anything but my own life, I do not want to be dependent nor have dependents. Of course, I am always there for my family and friends should they need me, but I am more of a loner. I like my time and space to myself, which being the Head Honcho of any company cannot give me.

But yes, if I were to lay down a blueprint of where I would like to be a year from now, or 5 years from now, that makes sense to me and that is what I will work on, to give me the goal and the direction, so I know which part of the waters I will be in, steering my boat, on the way to the island of achievement, after a year and after 5 years. Remembering the idiom that woman proposes and god disposes, I will factor in that fact as well, and keep in mind that the seas may be choppy and the sailing not too steady. But courage and preserverence will lead me to the golden island, I hope, without toppling me over, midway. J I know what I want, and now will set up goal posts to move steadily in that direction. But Head Honcho? No, give me my space on the open seas, where I am guided by the wind in my sails and the pole star of intent.

 

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#Trust 30..Day 25 : The Ordinary & Whacky Life

 

Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary: false comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____), false expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all), and false investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother). What are your false comparisons? What are your false expectations? What are your false investments in a story? List them. Each keep you from that internal knowing about which Emerson writes. Each keeps you from making your strong offer to the world. Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary. (Author: Patti Digh)

 

Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary:

False comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____):

I don’t have this sense of competion. If I begin to compare, I would surely shrivel and die in some corner somewhere. Just know that I am different writer, that’s all.

False expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all):

Don’t reach this high either, just happy doing my thing and ‘hoping’ for the big break…all mine.

False investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother):

Don’t have this either. There are no new stories, only new story-tellers. I am just one of them.

I do make comparisons however, with younger achievers, with more ‘settled’ people, more healthy and mobile and ‘on the go’ people, so yes, such differences glare at me.

People may find me ordinary or extraordinary, it does not matter. I am content in myriad ways, discontented in a few and clever enough to know that making extra-ordinary comparisons would ruin me. So I never go there. Even if I do make comparisons, they are momentary, not important enough for me to bury myself into my ordinariness.

So, ordinary in many ways, and extra-ordinary in many ways, I don’t know when or where the two merge to become me. I do know I am whackily different. I am happy with that. 

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#Trust 30…Day 24…Intuition…Dig In

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?

(Author: Susan Piver)

 

She would sit with me for dinner, we would have the most exquisite wine, dishes of the finest herbs and fresh grown vegetables, blueberry cheesecake… prepared by her. She would wink at me and say, “Life is short, dig in!” Her many rings would sparkle on her fingers, her nails buffed and bright, and she would spread her many layered gypsy skirt out with care. From under this her green satin ballet shoes would gleam, her silver anklet (on one foot only) would peek out, enticingly. Her emerald earrings would hang low, brushing her sparkling shoulders, revealed by her wide necked muslin gypsy blouse. Her hair would fall in dark ringlets  down to her waist, tied loosely by a green ribbon.

Despite her rather delicate appearance and fine looks, she would laugh loud like a rustic, head thrown back, take a sip of the wine, look at the food, all light and air and full of energy, her energy, and say, “The more you dig in, the more you will fly. Follow me, my love, and not that foolish one, the Doubter. Close your eyes and savour all that I have to offer you.”

“Dig in,” is what she would say to me first, her brown eyes serious, her cheeks dimpling, and she would snap her fingers to let me know that I should begin. A green and loving world is hers, deep and strong. It is a wild world and also a knowing one, a place which I always sense but do not always accept as my truth. A place where there is freshness, wildness, and the energy of all that is truly primal and natural.

All I have to do is let myself loose and dig in.

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# Trust 30…Day 23…The Courage to Connect…Square to Circle

 

Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 


Who is one person that you’ve been dying to connect with, but just haven’t had the courage to reach out to? First, reflect on why you want to get in touch with them. Then, reach out and set up a meeting.

 

(Author: David Spinks)


There was a time when I was comfortable in a square. It had family, family, family and family filling the 4 straight- lined corners. I was so content and contained, I knew no different and did not want to know it at all. It was adequate that wherever I looked, I was there for the family and my family for me.

I was inhibited, arrogant about my degree of contentment, unwilling to step out and talk to others or make friends.I sat sqaurely in my world, not realizing how much of a squatter I had become, how misplaced my arrogance and contentment was, how I did not seek growth or evolution. I had these huge blinkers on, and I did not recognize how much of life I was letting go.

Then somewhere along the line, I opened a window and began to flutter these butterfly wings. The cocoon had stopped being adequate.

This is how the square began to turn into a circle. One circle, many circles, overlapping circles, concentric circles, and I kept turning on my toes, and then my feet and then with all my being, the world whirled around me and I saw so many different aspects of it, the good the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the very beautiful.I began to participate in the life beyond the square, I developed a circle of friends, I developed online and offline friends’ networlds.

I also began to change. A butterfly who flew was born. A spider who wove tales was born. A humingbird who sucked from the flower of life was born. A bee that shared the honey of learning was born.

The geometry of life changed. I had the courage to connect with like minded souls, souls who supported me and cheered me. Beyond the square  support of the family I have found the circular support of the world. I looked beyond a small world and connected with a bigger one.

Naturally inhibited by nature, I stop myself from thinking too much and move forward to connect. That is the only way, and how remarkable it is indeed.

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#Trust 30…Day 22…Enthusiasm

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” is a great line from Emerson. If there’s no enthusiasm in what you do, it won’t be remarkable and certainly won’t connect with people on an emotional basis. But, if you put that magic energy into all of your work, you can create something that touches people on a deeper level. How can you bring MORE enthusiasm into your work? What do you have to think or believe about your work to be totally excited about it? Answer it now.

(Author: Mars Dorian)

I think the only thing that makes me do what I do is the enthusiasm, and that is why it survives and breathes and gets a postive response, whether it be my teaching or my writing. While the response to my writing may take its time and not be so obvious, the response to my teaching is immediate and fills me with happiness. Enthusiasm is necessary to make anything happen. Whatever I lose enthusiasm for , does no longer work for me, and obviously it will fail to work for another. There is something instinctive in whatever you do well which stems from an inherent enthusiasm. If not present, then nothing is present and the work may as well be dead.

Enthusiasm is what makes you breathless with love for what you do, and if it is not there, it makes you breathless again… this time without life.

 

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# Trust 30…Day 21…You Know…I know

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We live in a society of advice columns, experts and make-over shows. Without even knowing it, you can begin to believe someone knows better than you how to live your life. Someone might know a particular something better – like how to bake a three-layer molten coconut chocolate cake or how to build a website – but nobody else on the planet knows how to live your life better than you. (Although one or two people may think they do.) For today, trying asking yourself often, especially before you make a choice, “What do I know about this?”

 

I am trying to figure out the question.

What do I know about how to bake a three-layer molten coconut chocolate cake…well, I could build three chocolate cakes one on top of the other and make that into a wobbly three story high thing, oh, sorry, was that 3 layered and does that mean something different, I am sure it does. I would leave the coconut out, for I don’t particularly like coconut as an ingredient except when grated on cooked green beans( a South Indian dish and pretty delicious and one I can make). Moletn sounds wonderful, I want it ‘moltening’ in my mouth, can someone bake it for me without the cocnut and send it over. It should taste yum, that is all I ask. The degree of ‘molten-ness’ will decide that.

What do I know about building websites, not much, but I can guide people about how I want mine to be, the colour, the look, the content, and the technology, I leave it to the smart , knowing ones. But I know a little, can’t say I will settle for any old website, it will have to look as though a lot of creative juice has gone into that.

What do I know about how to live my life? Well, if that is the question, I have strayed, but now have found a path. The road less travelled by me during most of my lifetime, even though I did see it there. I just did not think I could walk on it. There were all these other paths and directions shown to me which I thought were what I wanted, or should walk on. Should is the more correct term.

(Author: Jen Louden)

the trail

But now I know of some things I want. Definitely defined. The path is beautiful. A few brambles I may come across, a few ravens may screech as they fly on top of my head (do ravens screech?), there may be nothing at the end of the road (we don’t know about that yet, though), but I know about this path now. This is it. So depending on what is being asked, I can answer. I think, though, all answers are good, but the last one rocks for me.

‘I know, therefore I will’. This sounds like an Abha original.

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